Finding Safe Haven
by SakuraNights01
Summary: Sharing a home with 5 other siblings was hard. Sharing a home that had only one bathroom with 5 other siblings was even harder.


**This one is based on a dream my little sister had (Seriously? When will I get to have funny anime-related dreams like this?)! Forgive me if any of the characters seem OOC- it's my first time writing an Osomatsu-san fanfic, after all! Enjoy!**

* * *

There were plenty of things the boys argued and fought over. Whether it was about a snack, a secret, or the infamous 'whose turn is it to refill the kerosene tank' debate, the banter was endless. Yes, sharing a home with 5 other siblings was hard.

Sharing a home that had only one bathroom with 5 other siblings was even harder.

For the sake of courtesy and privacy means, Choromatsu had taken it upon himself to memorize when approximately during the day any of the brothers would use it, and how frequently. This way, he could utilize whatever precious private moments alone he could get to their maximum potential.

Late afternoon rolled around ( _Yet another day almost completely gone to waste_ , he thought boredly), and Choromatsu noted that his brothers all seemed to be off working their own agendas, and not in their usual spots in the shared bedroom.

Good for them, they could definitely do more than just laze about all day.

Around this time, Todomatsu would probably want to… what was it again? Powder his nose? Whatever that meant, but he would usually leave to who-knows-where shortly after. Probably off to the mixers or some other awesome social event. Without inviting the rest of them. Cheeky little bastard.

However, Todomatsu was nowhere in sight. Did this mean he had already left? Or perhaps he hadn't come home yet, and would stop by to take care of his business before leaving again.

Choromatsu decided to give him 10 minutes before he himself went. Seeing that he had no idea where any of the brothers were, that should give them ample time to go about their business before it was his turn. After 10 minutes had passed uneventfully, he concluded that it was safe to go in.

He didn't need much time to finish up, and was done in less than a minute or so, but just as he was getting ready to leave the bathroom, he was startled by a rapid and noisy banging on the door.

"Hey! Whoever's in there, get the hell out!"

Choromatsu heaved a sigh of irritation when he quickly recognized his oldest brother's voice. He hadn't even been in there for a collective 5 minutes!

"Osomatsu-Niisan, for God's sakes, what's your problem?!" he called back in exasperation.

"Oh, Fappymatsu! Yeah, see, Jyushimatsu and I-"

"Osomatsu-Niisan and I were having a juice drinking contest!" the fifth brother chimed in cheerfully, the oldest muttering something about a cheater, but his complaints were ignored. Choromatsu stared at the door blankly before pinching the bridge of his nose. Had Todomatsu gone first, he'd have been out by now, leaving himself, then Ichimatsu a little later on.

He hadn't, of course, been counting on his brothers' stupidity to throw his carefully studied schedule out of order.

"A jui- ...what are you guys, 10?"

"Sure, whatever, just open the damn door!" It wasn't the response he'd been expecting, but Choromatsu moved to open the door anyways.

He stopped himself, however, when he realized just what position he was in. _HE_ had complete control of the situation. _HE_ had all power at that moment. And briefly, he understood the menacing power trips that Ichimatsu sometimes indulged in. A dark grin crossed his features as he closed the toilet seat lid and sat down.

"Hmm… and why should I?" He crossed his arms and leaned back. He could almost see the frown on his brother's face.

"Uhh, because we'll piss everywhere if you don't? Seriously, get out!"

"Maybe if you guys had stuck to the schedule and been polite, you wouldn't be in this situation," Choromatsu retorted, knowing full-well that his brothers would have no idea what he was talking about.

"The hell? I'm your older brother, dammit! This isn't funny!"

"Not funny! Not funny!" Jyushimatsu's voice sounded a little more demanding now, and Osomatsu was starting to get serious. Choromatsu was just about ready to quit tormenting his brothers when another voice piped up.

"I don't know what you guys are doing, but I have somewhere to be in a bit, so could you hurry it up?"

"Eh? Totty, I was here first, back off!"

Oh, this was _too good_. Was this the perfect opportunity to teach all three of them some manners for once? He thought so.

"Say, Totty, where are you going tonight? The mixers? A club? How many of your 'friends' are you taking with you?" he questioned deviously. Normally, he'd leave Todomatsu alone, knowing how he could be when he was feeling particularly angry, but having a locked door between them made him feel just a little braver.

"T-that's none of your business! Open up already!" Todomatsu sputtered nervously. The sounds of Jyushimatsu hopping around grew louder and a little more frantic.

"Risingfappyski, quit jerking off in there and get the hell out!" Osomatsu shouted, his voice rising with each word.

"Screw you!" Choromatsu yelled back, infuriated. Soon, the hallway was filled with cacophonous arguing and noise. At this point, he figured it was okay to ignore them for a few more minutes. Clearly, his subtle messages about being more polite were falling on deaf ears, so he gave up on that endeavor quickly.

Now, what could he do to pass the time? He hadn't brought any of his idol magazines with him- he didn't think he would need to, of course. He dug through a small cabinet in the bathroom before finding a men's fashion magazine buried behind some toiletries. The hell was this doing in here? He flipped open the pages and shuddered, tossing it carelessly back into the cabinet. The outfits in it were just, if not nearly, as painful as the magazine's owner.

" _Buraza!_ " Karamatsu's voice rang out blithely. Speak of the devil. (Was that a sense of urgency in his tone? He guessed that he probably needed to use the bathroom too.) Where had he even been all of this time? Actually, he didn't really care at this moment.

"Karamatsu-Niisan? What are you doing here? ...And _what_ are you wearing?!" Todomatsu's voice was suddenly laced with a mix of annoyance and horror. Choromatsu could practically feel the painfulness of whatever outfit he had on through the door.

" _Heh_ , fret not over my attire, _my little Totty_! We must work together to resolve this most dire situation! Surely, with our _gracious_ and _heartfelt_ teamwork, our most apprehensive dilemma shall be but another trailblazing star in our sky of-"

"Ack! Karamatsu, stop! I'd rather not piss blood today, thanks," Osomatsu cut him off hurriedly.

Holding his own ribs, Choromatsu sighed and finally conceded defeat. He stood to open the door, grateful to Osomatsu- even the second eldest brother's speech had been a bit too much for him, admittedly. When he opened it, all 4 sets of eyes turned to him with varying degrees of off-put irritation. Osomatsu was the first to speak, throwing his hands in the air for emphasis.

"Choromatsu! What the hell?!"

"You could do with being less of an asshole sometimes, you know," Choromatsu countered, easily slipping back into his usual nagging and bickering self.

"Your screwing around cost me precious time! I'm going to be late now because of you!" Todomatsu jumped right into the fray with no hesitation.

"I won the drinking contest, you know? Gotta pee!" Jyushimatsu shouted unabashedly.

"My _buraza_ , now is a wonderful opportunity to perfect our brotherly bonds-"

"You're a damn dirty cheater and you know it, Jyushimatsu!" Osomatsu exclaimed crossly.

The yelling and arguing only grew more heated and louder from there, everyone being on the others' case. They seemed to forget what they were even there for until they heard the bathroom door suddenly slam shut.

No one had seen Ichimatsu saunter right in, completely ignoring the chaos in the hallway.

The Matsuno household was held in stunned silence for a few moments, broken when protests and indignant shouting erupted from the hallway occupants.

Sharing a bathroom with 5 other siblings was hard, indeed.

* * *

 **Partially based on real-life, since it feels like every time I go into the bathroom, SOMEONE tries to kick me out, no matter how long I waited beforehand!**


End file.
